Thursday, September 3, 2015

5 Problems I Have With Romance Novels

Hey, everyone!

I love romance novels. I really, truly do. Contemporary, paranormal, urban fantasy, you name it, and I probably enjoy it (except historical....I hate historical). I'll even admit to having an issue sticking with a book if I don't get some form of romance in it. It's a weakness, I know.
However, my love does not blind me to the numerous issues within the genre. Sometimes I'll be reading a book and it just makes me grind my teeth in frustration and annoyance. I'm sure y'all can relate to these!

5. The Virgin and The Manwhore

While that'd make a fantastic title, I'm so annoyed with this trend. Why is the chick always the pure, innocent virgin who's never so much as gotten herself off? In that same vein, how does she go from not knowing her own anatomy to being a wildcat in bed and being able to deep throat a monster cock on her first attempt?

And the manwhore. Who really finds that attractive? Perhaps I'm just insanely jealous and possessive, but it'd rankle me to no end to know that my man's had his dick in everything that's walked by him in a short skirt.

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4. I Ride Bareback...From The Get-Go

This is something that ties directly into #5, and always drives me up the wall. They don't know each other well, the man always has an extensive sexual history, and they get it on without a condom immediately. 
What. The. Fuck.
"I trust you!" She exclaims. "I'm clean," He assures.
Too bad! I don't care how much I trust you, we are both getting tested before you come anywhere near me. If you're not going to consent to testing....buh-bye, baby.

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3. Tall, dark, and handsome...every single one of them, and that's it. 

I love the tall, dark, and handsome man. They're my biggest weakness. Nothing gets me hotter than that dark hair, chiseled face, and godlike body. Sue me.
However....I want something besides that. Give me some kind of uniqueness, some form of personality besides "oh my god gorgeous male gimme gimme now!". Make them have some unusual characteristic (Scar? Height? Something?), some strength of character besides sexual prowess. 

Some fantastic examples would be:

Barrons from Karen Marie Moning's Fever series.
 Oh my god, do I love that man. Deliciously sexual, unapologetic in who and what he is, so intense and charismatic, protective (and yes, even a bit possessive) and intelligent. He is the ultimate in alpha male fantasy, isn't he?

Bones from Jeaniene Frost's Night Huntress series. 
I'm doing a bit of an audiobook re-read on the Night Huntress books, and I've fallen hard for Bones all over again. Sexy, funny, protective, loyal, smart, brave...sigh. I just melt whenever he refers to Cat as his wife...not sure why. You have to love that dirty mouth, too. 

Dex from Karina Halle's Experiment in Terror series. 
Dex was such an unusual character. Attractive but not the typical ideal male vision, Dex was a breath of fresh air. He's a mass of contradictions; both a scared child and a fiercely brave man. His love for Perry made me swoon with every page.

2. Love triangle.

Nothing else to say.

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1. Rigid Column of Flesh, Meet The Depths of the Cleft

Oh the joys of names for genitals in romance books.  My "favorites" have to be:

What are you, a remote?

Sorry, it's an extremely unpleasant visual. All I'm seeing is a tree splitting someone up the middle.

Rigid Column of Flesh, Manhood, ect
Need I say more? Column could also be replaced with pillar. All it does is make me laugh out loud during what's suppose to be this oh-so-hot scene.

Penis, or vagina
It cuts a bit of the smexy-ness when it sounds so...clinical. My inner homeschooled know-it-all also gets extremely annoyed when vagina is incorrectly used. He's not rubbing your vagina from outside your panties. That's your vulva. 

So....what are your annoyances? :p

- The Bibliophile Babe


  1. bahahhahahah!!! This is the best post ever. I especially loved #5. Omg. Thanks for the comic relief.

  2. LOL - these are awesome!! I couldn't agree with you more about all of these!!

    I'm so over the stereotypical romances lately. I LOVE romance, but I'm bored and annoyed with a lot of it. I need to try some of your recommendations.

  3. This was great!! Number #1 made me laugh. I always love the ridiculous descriptive words they use!

  4. I agree with all of these!!! Also, the nonstop sex.. At some point I'm like.. JFC how is her vagina still working?? LMAO

  5. " Perhaps I'm just insanely jealous and possessive, but it'd rankle me to no end to know that my man's had his dick in everything that's walked by him in a short skirt."

    YES!!!! I'm the exact same way. Normally, if said manwhore's past exploits are only mentioned and passing and aren't thrown in my face in any way, I'm good to go, but otherwise it drives me crazy. Also, I find the word penis jarring in a romance novel for sure. Without fail that word draws me up short and I'm all wait, what? Give me cock instead ;-)

  6. I haven't read that many love triangles (one ?...), so it's not one of my pet-peeves (yet), but I do wholeheartedly agree with the rest ! And the title of your point 1. made me roar with laughter !!

  7. Bwahaha...too funny. Yeah bareback from the start ..especially strangers makes me shiver. I also love when they use and then it magically disappears.

  8. OMG, I am glad I have finished my coffee or I would have spat it out at that last one. Brilliant post!

    My problem is the fact that all that hard at it sex would probably result in a sore urine infection, they never mention that do they!!