It's time for the third installment of my What's Wrong With Erotica series! This time around we're talking about settings, those "titillating" scenarios designed to turn the heat up, but in reality are about as sexy as socks with flip flops. I'm sure y'all are familiar with a few of these gems!
As per usual with the posts, it's about to get crass in here.
A Virgin on The Streets and a Freak in The Sheets
Without a doubt, this is one of the most popular plots for erotica. You know the one I mean: The pristine, mid-20s innocent virgin who's never so much as masturbated or looked at porn (bitch, you lie like a dog) who falls for a sexy manwhore. Bonus points if he's a m/billionaire.
He suddenly forgets all the other woman in favor of this one, and she's perfectly okay with his dirty past. They immediately get to the fucking, with almost no buildup or chemistry, and they go about it bareback. Because you know, what's a little genital warts or chlamydia in the heat of the moment....
But I digress.
This virgin takes to sex like a fish to water, and I don't just mean in an enjoyment way. I mean full out, "are you sure you weren't a hooker in a former life" sex kitten. That 10" cock that rivals a soda can for thickness? Deep throating on the first go. Anal? Don't worry, she's wet enough you won't even need lube! A bit of dabbling in BDSM? She puts a well seasoned sub to shame. Public sex? Sounds appropriate for her second time!
Rescue Me and Claim Me Your Prize
Ah, the Disney scenario. Girl needs saved from something (family, bad situation, her past, herself, ect) and she can't possibly do it on her own. No, Price Sexy needs to come in and sweep her off her feet. How ever will she repay him....?
50 Shades of BDSM
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips...don't excite me?
This one is often tied into either A Virgin on The Streets and a Freak in The Sheets or some kind of kidnapping thing, and features a very savvy Dom and a new-but-somehow-totally-experienced sub. With floggers, nipple clamps and butt plugs abound, this scenario is sure to excite your inner Ana.
I am so over the S&M craze! It's not usually my thing (sadistic I am, masochist I am not), and the writing is often cringeworthy. I'm no Domme or sub, but even I know some of these things are completely ridiculous.
However, there are a few absolute goldmines for good D/s erotica. Sierra Simone's Markham Hall series and S.E. Reign's 101 Nights.... Holy shitballs, yes please!
What about you? Which is your most cringe-worhy setting?
- The Bibliophile Babe
I lol'ed, because all of these are so damn true!
ReplyDeleteI actually have more problems you list here with contemporary adult romances. Erotica that I've read... as long as it has a plot, doesn't bother me in this way as much, but then I'm very picky about that genre. I also don't care for the BDSM genre. It skates a very thin line and often crosses it badly. Very few authors write it well. Have to check out your rec!
ReplyDeleteThese posts always make me laugh!! I agree on that first one so much.
ReplyDeleteBwahaha...awesome post..yep, yep!
ReplyDeleteThe Virgin in the Streets trope is SO annoying!!! It's prob one of the main reasons I quit reading NA.... alllll the books I picked up had that same thing going on- virgin girl, complete man-whore guy. Like he can't be a regular guy who has sex occasionally, he has to be the dirtiest of the bunch. How is that hot????? And I just can't with the virgins. When an author starts going down the road of making purity an attractive trait for a male- I get ragey. It's 2016 authors!!!
ReplyDeleteThe Billionaire's Virgin Slave. I'm sure such a book exists. Lol.
ReplyDeleteHilarious post, Amanda! And sadly it’s so true.
ReplyDelete